#3 Bitterness

Listening To: We're Going To Be Friends by The White Stripes

Dear Hal,

I know I posted earlier today, but I just gotta vent. I'm Bitter. I guess I should start out with why. Well, while moving the office set (which is on wheels) I was pushing on one side and our Stage Manager was on the otherside and I could see her fingers wrapped on the wall. Being the guy I am, I started poking her fingers just teasing a bit. She turned around the wall and with fire in her eyes she said "Let's not be A**holes around here." This is not something I usually hear, in fact I never hear. I am always joking around and pranking people around the set and I never get this reaction. Anyway... This is something that I let blow over. I figure that she was in a bad mood and that's something I can forgive (even with a bad mood, there are better ways to react to that situation). What really got me bitter came a little while later. I was pushing, with my foot, the platform of the office next to a friend of mine who was pushing on the wall. I was told by our tech guys that we shouldn't be pushing on the walls, but I gave up trying to relay that message to all the people pushing on the walls. But anyway, my pal told me that I wasn't doing anything constructive with my foot, but I responded saying that I'm not going to push on the walls and we started a little argument. To this our Stage Manager looked around the wall and with the same look as before said "Ben go wait in the Wings" before the job was even halfway done. Now I'm not a child and I was doing everything I was told to by the Tech guys earlier. My friend who is very much older than I, was assumed correct in this argument. So not only was I wrongly yelled at, I was embarrassed. I don't care how bad of a mood you are in, there is no excuse for this. This is the same stage manager I go up to after every rehearsal asking if anything needs to be done. I have gone up to her and lent my hand to numerous projects. With this whole incident, I have zero respect for her and her ability to do her job. I would really like to be able to show her just how bitter I am so I have decided that she doesn't deserve my help. Ontop of that, I realized how freakin' cliquish the Heartland Festival is. All of the hired in (the people that have most of the leads and what not) mixed in with the the rest of the older and experienced locals make up this entire group. Meanwhile the rest of the locals and younger people get left elsewhere. The thing that irks me is that the older friends of mine from shows that we've done together at UWP rather go hang out with the hired ins. They are choosing to hang out with the talent then past friends. It's not only me. So I was just in a show Thoroughly Modern Millie and one of the leads of that show, let's call friend A, went to the Mall of America with one of the older friends of mine, friend B. Just the two. I was told it was a great time and a bonding experience. So on friend B's birthday which was a couple weeks ago, not only was I not invited to go hang out, but neither was friend A. Instead Friend B went to Dubuque with her hired in friends. Now Friend B has had some of those friends for just as long as she has known Friend A and I, but some of those that went to Dubuque were acquaintances in the last two months. I feel like talent is being trumped by time. Me on the other hand have never had this problem. I have had 4 theater leads in 3 years. I had a lead in my first College Theater Production. You don't see me hanging out exclusively with the other leads. You don't see me not talking to the chorus and tech members. In fact those are the people I love hanging out with and in fact when I hang out with entire casts, an outsider wouldn't be able to pinpoint the leads of the show because we are all having fun as a cast and not the leads with everyone else. Hell, I even love hanging out and chatting with the costumers, lighting, sounds, and all other tech people. When one of the tech guys from a show I've done needed actors for a movie project he was doing, I was more than glad to help him out. When a chorus member in a show I was in needed help transporting her video equipment across campus, I was more than happy to help her out. I consider myself a friendly, positive and outgoing individual. The fact that I'm being treated like some inexperienced and untalented child in this production has gotten me really bitter. I should've heeded some advice from a friend before auditioning for Heartland. He has done heartland for a number of years but was tired of stuff like this happening and decided not to return. This guy in the same position I am in. He got some important roles in heartland productions. I've had so much luck bonding with every cast I've been a part of that I didn't think that it could happen to me. Of course after ranting on like I have, I now know I'm wrong. Anyway... to give the guy I argued with credit, he did come up to me after moving the office and told me why he had said what he said with a hint of an apology. I wish I could say the same for the stage manager. All I can say is that she is going to be missing my helping hands for the next 6 weeks.

Until Next Time,

Ben Barlow